By Heather
Mathews for PPSIMMONS
A lot of us think of pro-life as
being primarily a women’s issue, and certainly it is apt to be, as it is
particularly draining on a woman’s body and emotions to be carrying that
precious cargo inside. To make the
decision to keep a baby when the parents are financially unstable, ill or
disabled, or when the father is uninterested or unable to commit to his responsibilities
to that child, is likely one of the most difficult decisions that a woman will
make. Many women, even those who have
always thought of themselves as pro-life, will find themselves in a spiritual
battle and feeling as though they have no one (outside of the life growing
within!) One of the principal factors in
the decision to obtain an abortion is the fear of being a single parent (51% in
the U.S.)1 For those (often young) women opting to get an abortion,
their partners frequently break off the relationship because of the stress and/or
guilt following the procedure. Yet, for every man not willing to stick
around to support their partner and child, there are men that challenge the
status quo and impress us with their (sometimes sudden) maturity, insightfulness,
and humility, and sometimes even remorse at the lost opportunity of fatherhood:
I was 18
years old, when my high school sweetheart told me that she was pregnant. Her
mother was furious, even though she did not know her daughter was pregnant. She
just thought the daughter had a pregnancy test. The mother said, "If she
is pregnant, she is going to have an abortion." However, my girlfriend
never told her mother she was pregnant - at least that I know of. I passed the
decision off to my girlfriend, and her friend gave her the money for the
abortion. To this day, I still feel regret - tremendous, unrelenting regret.
What if I had been man enough to take responsibility? I have had six children
of my own. Every time I think of that girlfriend, I think of the other child I
have in heaven.2
I recently began to seek out
people who were willing to share their pro-life stories with this ministry, and
the world, to encourage others to choose life via my Facebook page. I made up flyers to pass out to local
churches, and even posted an ad on a local Craigslist community page. Within, I think, 20 minutes, I had a brief
conversation with a man I’ll call “Paul.”
Paul is a staunch pro-lifer, and
in fact had arranged a large pro-life rally at a federal building in California
more than 25 years ago called “Walk for Life.”
President Reagan was among the many celebrities in attendance.
Last September, at the age of 60
(!) Paul found out that his girlfriend was pregnant. He never thought it could happen, and he
(they?) did not want children. He says,
“…what could I do? There was never a question that I had to see this through.
She doesn't believe in abortion either.”
They are now engaged to be married and little Silas was born last
Wednesday.
Paul doesn’t think that his story
has much interest, but I beg to differ.
At an age when most men are empty nesters, preparing for retirement and
waiting for the grandkids to stop in for a day-trip, he is just starting out-
gleefully- with the all-night diaper and feeding-frenzy, and has 18 more years
to look forward to the love and care of his beautiful new son. In his own words, “He's the most beautiful
little boy, in my eyes, that was ever born.”
He is a rare gem. His fiancée is
a very blessed young woman.
Another inspiring story of an
unborn child’s father stepping up to the plate:
“I was
18, just graduated from high school and planning on going to a top Christian
college in the fall when I found out I was pregnant. I had big plans and I was
going to make them happen. I didn't want my parents or friends to think badly
of me. So, I was dead set on abortion. My
boyfriend was shocked that I was pregnant, but even more shocked that I had
decided on abortion because I had always been a "pro-life" Christian
(and a pastor's kid). I hesitate to call myself truly pro-life at that
point in my life because it was more of a political belief than a true
conviction of how awful abortion really is.
“My boyfriend begged me not to
have an abortion. I ended up going to a
crisis pregnancy center to humor him. I expected them to be judgmental and
condescending, however, there I was treated with more compassion than I had
ever imagined. They didn't treat me like I was just a host body to the fetus
they were trying to save. One of the nurses said something to me that almost
made me change my mind. She said that another girl who had chosen to have her
baby said this: "I thought about
when I'm 80 and what decision I would be proud of when I look back at my
life." Like I said, it *almost* got me to change my mind, but it
didn't. I made an appointment at the abortion clinic. I wanted to get in the
next day so that I could use my full-time summer job as a cover story for my
being gone all day (the abortion clinic was in a town 100 miles from my home
town). However, because of a mandatory wait law my state has, I wasn't able to
get in until the next week.
“I'm
telling you all of this so you can see what led to me ultimately not having an
abortion. That week gave my boyfriend
the time and the courage to go behind my back and tell my dad what was
happening. That led to an outpouring of love, support and forgiveness from
my family. Because of that, I now have a beautiful almost 2-year-old. I married my boyfriend, not out of
obligation, but out of love. I came to love him even more after seeing his
courage and strength to stand up to me and save not only our daughter, but
myself as well. I'm now a junior in college, graduating on time and I have
a life full of love. Seeing how God watched over me and intervened to prevent
me from a life of regret and hurt when I was so willing to seek sin to cover
sin has renewed my relationship with Him.
That relationship is now the foundation
of my marriage and my parenthood. God is so merciful. My life is more
complete now than it ever has been…”3
I know that it is Mother’s Day
this weekend, but should it not be every day that our mothers are respected,
honored, even revered for the sacrifices that were made on our behalf? Because of our mothers’ decisions to choose
LIFE- whether they were married, divorced, widowed, or single, whether rich or
poor, ready or not- are we all here fighting for the next generation. In addition, in a marriage-relationship built
around God’s patience, grace, mercy, and love, husband-wife (father-mother)
have been inexplicably intertwined and have become “one flesh.” It takes two, so to speak, to create a
family, so ideally, both Mom and Dad need our support and encouragement in the
rearing up of Godly children who will be willing to defend the Kingdom.
To the fathers who stuck around,
who allowed moms to take on their God-ordained role without having to function
also as “dad”: THANK YOU! And to the
mothers, whether you were forced or chose to tackle parenthood alone: we salute
you and surely God has blessed YOU for choosing LIFE, and for your hard work
and dedication in taking on multiple roles to keep your family strong and
healthy. I can only hope someday that I
will have the patience and tenacity
you’ve displayed to take on the role of “Supermom.”
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